«…To all those who urge Ukrainians to "stop hating not to become the same with russians”.
To all those who want peace, but don’t understand that peace can be only won in a battle. That anger is fuel. Anger gives energy for the fight and fight – is not only survival, it is life itself. Strong feelings, strong words and strong actions, even if they may destroy you, are better than avoidant silence. Bleeding wound is better than the one which you have covered with a band and pretend that it doesn’t hurt.

Though I am now in a peaceful country, war in my homeland is still going, and thus I need to keep my anger burning, to let it help me continue working, creating, living. I was born and raised in the world where anger was generally oppressed, where letting your anger out was considered inappropriate or even rude. “Transmit positive emotions, avoid negativity, or in the worst case just simply stay calm and neutral” – that’s what I learned from living in early XXI century. But this idea failed as soon as it couldn’t prevent russian invasion and all those inhumane atrocities. This world in which we used to live, the world without anger, without rage, without hate – is no more. No use and no sense to avoid them, to be afraid of them, to hide. Time to embrace these strong emotions and fill our tanks to the top with their vital fire…»

«…But for sure it is not just about a pure rage, not just about anger towards russians who came to eliminate us.

It is about love. Love for your family, friends, pets, for towns or or villages, for some specific streets in them, parks or trees, or just for how nice and warmly shines the sun there in early autumn. But also it is a bigger love, something that is hard even to define or verbalize. Loving Ukraine is not only about land, people or childhood memories. It is love for the idea of Ukraine, for everything Ukraine represents and stands for. The idea of Ukraine is freedom. May sound pathos but I told you that it’s hard to verbalize. Freedom – to express yourself, to speak up, to build your life and environment in your own way, to contribute, to help, to work and see how your actions shape a better future (even if those changes are very small). And to be supported by likeminded people around, with whom you don’t even need to exchange a single word to understand each other – that’s also freedom, that’s also love. It is a powerful energy that makes you feel present, seen, heard, alive. What makes you more than just a humanoid being whose only aim is to pass its genome further. What makes you human. And what you can’t just keep to yourself - but what you always want to share with the others.

While rage helps you fight – love helps you live, helps you create, care, and enjoy. To go through all the battles and not to lose your mind, not to dive too deep in the rage, not to get poisoned with it, not to become soulless and unable to see the beauty around. Rage is the sword, love is the armor. But love can also be the sword – against those who don’t have love, or simply are afraid of loving. In this case, rage becomes the armor.

And I guess that only if you have both – sword and armor – you can win your battles. I see Ukrainians having them both. Soldiers, activists, artists, volunteers, parents, children… I didn’t know I have them both too, but now I see the sword in my hand and armor on my chest. I see them, I recognize them, I accept them. I have never felt as powerful as now…»

(You pissed (us) off)

(I fucking hate you all)

(May you all die bastards)

(Russia, give me my youth back — written in Russian language)

«…I was writing these words and thinking about all those people, including myself, from whom russia stole their best years. How many young and beautiful Ukrainians now have to sacrifice their lives while fighting and saving the lives of others. How many of them have to spend the their precious time for survival. How many people had to run away from their homes and settle in unusual environments, having no clue of when and if they’d be able to come back, uncertain about each upcoming day. These years of their lives, when the resources of human body and mind are at their highest point, they should be spending for creation, for joy, for love, for building a better future. But they have to fight, to suffer, to die instead.

Ukraine is now losing its best people. They are not only being destroyed physically, but also mentally and emotionally. Actually russia was doing it to us for many years – not even since 2014, but for centuries already. Every generation of Ukrainians was somehow affected by this imperialist evil. And the generations of many other oppressed nations had their youth stolen by russia.

I wrote these words in russian language, though it wasn’t pleasant for me at all. I know russian and I spoke russian most of my life, like many people in Ukrainian eastern regions did. That was also a result of russian oppression that lasted for centuries, and many nations can relate to this. I’m trying hard to get rid of this heritage. But I wanted to address my enemy – and I can do it only in enemy’s language, because the enemy doesn’t understand any other. Still I really doubt that they’ll understand what they did even now.

And a bitter thought came to me while I was making this piece – almost every person who can say this phrase in russian had their youth stolen by russia somehow. Even russian people can relate to it – but I must say I don’t really give a damn about them.

I hope the next generations will come – and they won’t be able to read and say this phrase anymore. We’ll do everything to make it happen.…»

(We will all come back / We will bring everything back)

(I just want home)

«…“I just want home”. The phrase overheard from a woman with whom I shared a compartment in the train Kharkiv – Przemysl. The phrase that completely matches my almost one-year-long feelings.

But coming back home is not just to return to some physical place in Ukraine. This is much more about the feeling of safety, stability, the life that you can somehow plan and predict, maybe a bit boring life – but the one in which you are not scared to look in the future. Each of us may try to look tough and strong, bustling with energy in our fight for freedom – but I bet many wish they never had to. Wish they lived further their calm, stable, boring lives, wish they never had to reveal themselves as warriors, wish they never heard people saying to them: “Wow, you’re a real hero!”.

During these months I’ve created some art which I’m really proud of, and I got the recognition and visibility I’ve never dreamed I could achieve. I can say that I’ve never felt so fulfilled in my life, I know that my work is useful, and that I should keep going. But at the same time I would give a lot for this all not to happen. I bet that many musicians who wrote their best songs that inspired millions of listeners, photographers who made their most memorable shots that shook hearts, or any other people who showed themselves in the best possible ways - all of them would give it all up so that the war never came to our country.

When this thought comes to me I feel so weak. It’s like I’m ready to surrender, to just hide, to escape to some imaginary world where I’m safe and don’t need to fight anymore. So these words – “I just want home” – are like something that comes from deep within, something you’d never want other people to see. Those traitorous words that you only whisper in your pillow during the darkest nights – or that you share with a person whom you just met in the compartment of the train bringing you away from home, and whom you won’t meet ever again. You share, and hide them back deep inside your heart, swallow your tears – and then simply go on being “a fighter”, with unstable present and completely uncertain future…»

(I am the weapon)